CHAPTER 1
I don’t sleep when I write, and I’m not someone who dreams well. This is all very unique.
I remember how it started, but that’s about all. It began like any other dream. I was sitting in the backyard, playing around with what looked like a light pen. I remember feeling something under my finger, then I was in the backyard. I opened the door to get out, and a hand grabbed my ankle, and I fell into an abyss. This is what I remember from the dream.
Because of the body language of the hand, I couldn’t find out who it was.
The hand left my ankle, and I was in the hallway. I had my cell phone and I was calling my girlfriend. She answered and I said “I’m trapped in my dream.” I started to freak out. My mom had passed away just a month earlier and at the time I was having my own problems with sleep. I just got the answering machine message, and she told me not to be scared, she knew I was sleeping. She told me to call the hospice line, she assured me she was with me and that we would make ends meet.
In my dream, my back was against a gray canvas wall, grainy and cold. I started in front of me, in which was an empty space, occupied by an outside patio filled with plants, a little fountain and pond. It was raining heavily outside.
I turn to my left, nothing but a golden door, I turn to my right however, a horrifying face stood back in the hallway darkness. I couldn’t move, I was paralyzed in fear as it rubbed it’s way against the wall, leaning-walking to me.
It got in my face, staring cold at me…it slowly looked just like me the more I stared at it.
I woke up with a start, sweating in a daze.
I don’t know why this thing scared me so badly, why I was so terrified. I suppose I was ashamed and I don’t know why. It wasn’t myself…but it was…it was…it was it.
Without thinking of what to do next, I called the hospice line to tell them I had nothing to worry about. I was worried about them not being able to help me when I was in such an emotional state. They told me I should go on vacation for a week and take care of myself. My girlfriend called me, her mother died on the day that I had the dream. She knew what I was going through and said everything would be fine.
I went on vacation and still, when I came back, it was still there.
I didn’t sleep, it seemed to bring a sense of calm to me, if you’ll believe it or not.
I’m completely honest with you, when I woke up and turned to the right and the dead face was standing there, smiling at me. I got so frightened I woke up my girlfriend and her mother came running to the room, she knows I have episodes like this one.
I had the dream again the next night. The face started at me, leading me into the dark hallway she was standing at prior; the dead face girl spoke:
“You need to sleep now, you know. Let me help you. I’m your only hope.”
I was frightened at first, but when I walked toward her I started to feel tired. I looked up to the ceiling and I’m looking at these pillars of light, like stained glass, passing each other with these pictures of what looks like doctors and nurses, all in white robes.
It’s all a blur now, but it’s like I’m an observer. The next thing I remember is I was talking with her. I wasn’t scared, and she told me “You need to sleep now.”.
I looked at my bed, it looked like the most luxurious bed I’d ever laid my eyes on. She looked at me, pulled out the sheets, and I was surprised because they looked like satin, no wonder she was so beautiful and she seemed so caring and warm.
She said “I know you think you don’t deserve anything, but you deserve this. You’re going to get in bed and let me put the sheets on for you.”
And she jumped into the covers.
Now, you might be thinking “where is this going?”, but you’ll find out.
A bright light blinded me, a loud screech bled my ears; it felt like I was falling but I couldn’t see anything. I was falling in the dream, in a sky full of infinite, thundering clouds , there was no sun but the grey and red light you get in the early morning.
All of a sudden I stopped moving, my arms and legs were limp, I felt dizzy and I felt like I was dying, I thought I was dying. I think I blacked out for a little bit. When I opened my eyes, I felt something warm and wet all over me.
I looked down and I was naked, the sheet, the bed and the bedding was all covered with blood, some of it was my blood. I’m looking down at myself, there was no wound, there were no traces of blood, the sheets, the bedding were all clean.
I tried to get up, I’m standing, and I’m trying to get up but I can’t, I can’t move.
The voice I heard was from a child, it was a child screaming in pain. There were these drops of blood, they were tiny drops of red, and I’m sure they were my blood, so I walked to the door and I think I took two steps and I fell to the floor. I don’t remember doing that.
I have no idea what happened, but when I woke up, my girlfriend made breakfast for me.
Last night, lucky, was the last dream I had of this girl. I was outside on the dream’s patio, standing amongst the plants in the rain. InSuddenly, I was looking down at my chest, and my face was in my chest. I just have a quick glance, it’s as if I’m trying to say ‘don’t look’.
After that, she appeared and started speaking to me again, I could see her lips moving, she kept saying to me: “you have to sleep now. You have to stop this right now or you’ll get into even more trouble.”
There was something else. I don’t remember what else, but she told me to do something, and I thought she was asking me something to do with my hands or something but I just put them on her shoulders and started moving them in little circles, at first I wasn’t moving at all, then she started feeling like a dry, painful shock.
She didn’t say anything after that, just kept feeling my shoulders, and she said to me: “You can stop now”.
I woke up with a big smile on my face, she was telling me it’s over, I’m cured, it’s over, and it’s done.
I looked at myself, everything was clean.
And here we are.
So, you’re probably wondering what does the playground dream in the beginning have to do with the dead staring girl?
I just thought of a possible theory: As a child, you have your first experience with death, and it’s traumatizing. You probably never get over it. You keep dreaming of that dead girl, and she keeps appearing. It’s like a little part of you that you can’t get rid of.
As you get older, you may feel like you’ve got your life back, but it’s still there. So, it’s all symbolism I guess. The thought of death as a child never leaves you, it stays with you forever.
But why did I think about death at that playground? Maybe it was my first experience with death, maybe it was.
I’m just glad that this dream is over, and I hope I never see that girl again.
But, the good news is that the dead girl is gone, the girl is not me.
CHAPTER 2
Today, as we begin, I want to talk to you about a dream I had last night. It wasn’t a particularly good dream. It was a nightmare, which is different, and I won’t go into detail about the nightmare, because it would be too disturbing for you. But the dream was so bad that I couldn’t get back to sleep after I woke up. So I lay there thinking about it, and the more I thought about it, the more disturbing it became.
I don’t want to tell you about the nightmare, because I don’t want to upset you. But I do want to tell you about the dream. I woke up this morning and couldn’t get back to sleep, and I remembered the dream. It’s the dream that woke me up.
But the dream wasn’t the worst part.
I was a little kid, maybe five or six. My mother and father were there, and I was in my own bed, in my own room. I was scared, and I was crying, but my mother and father were comforting me, and everything was all right. And then the doorbell rang, and when I opened the door, the man on the other side was my father, and he was carrying me, and he was crying, and I could see my mother, and my father was holding me, and I was holding my mother, and we were crying together.
My mother and father were crying.
I always dance in the void, cheering for the empty darkness; feeling like a crazy psycho, loosing everything at such a young age. Never a dull moment, insaity from front to back.
I saw nothing in the mirror but that void. I saw nothing in the mirror but a small person in a small space. I saw nothing in the mirror but someone who was there, and yet wasn’t. I saw nothing in the mirror but that void. I saw nothing in the mirror but a small person in a small space. I saw nothing in the mirror but someone who was there, and yet wasn’t.
But I can see you.
I can see you.
And you can see me.
I…can see you.
“Stop crying!”, my parents said as my red eyes rolled backed into my head.
“I can see you.”, it said as my excited body violently shook out of compulshions.
“I can see you.”, it said as my elated body ran to the front door.
“I can see you.”, it said as I lifted my chin up to see the big wide world for the first time.
“I can see you.”, it said as I cried.
“I can see you.”
The truth, they said, is hidden from you.
And they said that to me every day.
And I believed them.
I never wanted to grow up.
I never wanted to grow up.
I never wanted to grow up.
“I can see you.”
“I can see you.”
“I can see you.”
“I can see you.”
The truth, they said, is hidden from you.
And they said that to me every day.
And I believed them.
My throat gagged up blood, my body raise to the celiling, my parent’s called the police. During the anxious hospital ride, I saw a wall of shattered glass, I saw no sign of life.
I was born with the truth.
The truth is hidden from you.
But it’s not.
And I saw the truth.
I saw the truth.
The truth is hidden from you.
But it’s not.
“I can see you.”
“I can see you.”
“I can see you.”
“I can see you.”
The truth, they said, is hidden from you.
And they said that to me every day.
And I believed them.
And now, I don’t.
I don’t want to grow up.
I don’t want to grow up.
I don’t want to grow up.
I don’t want to grow up.
I don’t want to grow up.
The doctors rushed in, and I saw the dead staring girl again.
Back at the hospital, the doctors were quiet, stilled. I was told I had to stay there for a while. I had a little bit of a fever.
The doctor told me it was ok, but I needed to stay in the hospital for a while.
The doctors were quiet, stilled.
The doctor told me it was ok, but I needed to stay in the hospital for a while.
I was alone in my room. I couldn’t hear anyone, I couldn’t see anyone. I was alone.
I was alone.
I heard a noise.
It was the hospital calling for me.
I didn’t want to go back, I wanted to stay in my room.
CHAPTER 3
Nothing but a popping sound, this is what I heard before he woke up. I was confused, my memory didn’t seem to work right. I looked around. I was in a different place, a house, or an apartment or some other kind of place. It was a building, I could tell by the windows. It was dark and quiet, and not a single light was on. I tried to remember what had happened but couldn’t remember anything, only a vague feeling of discomfort. I was in a room, and I looked around, trying to remember what happened, and what I was supposed to do. I noticed that I was tied up, my wrists and my ankles. There was a single bulb hanging from the ceiling.
Orchids were blooming on the tree. Their fragrance was exquisite. They were like a chorus of angels, they sang to me. I looked around and saw many other trees, each covered in an abundance of flowers. They were yellow and red and blue.
Mayhem in a dark room, where there’s only light from a single bulb. A light bulb whose light reveals the horror inside a single, empty room. A room whose sole purpose is to punish, to torment, to torture. I look at the single light bulb, the only source of light, and I can’t understand what’s happening. I am in a room, a dark room, I can’t move my body, I can’t move anything, not even my mind, or my body.
Secrets to orchid mayhem are revealed through the telling of secrets, that’s what I’m going to do. The secret of orchids, that’s what I’m going to reveal.
I was in a room, in a place that I didn’t recognize, a place that was unfamiliar. I was alone in the room, there was nothing but me, me, and the walls. I looked around, trying to remember where I was.
